mcjuli

March is upon us! My 21st birthday is the beginning of April. I have one month to do it right so I will feel and look amazing in my birthday pictures! I am determined to wear a sleeveless dress and feel good about my arms, midsection and legs! It’s starting to get a tad warmer (not really– just the snow is melting) up here in the northeast, so hopefully I can start exercising outside again. I know my birthday will be here before I know it, and I want to make it one to remember very fondly! One month!! I think i can do it! Hope everyone is well! xo

Hello my fellow buddy slimmers!! I just thought I would share my extreme weekend revelation…. I was driving up to Vermont this weekend for my best friend’s 21st birthday. About a half hour outside of Burlington I hit some black ice and my car spun out of control and then flipped TWICE. I was hanging upside down from my seatbelt which i quickly unbuckled and forced a door open. It was the scariest thing that has EVER happened to me. My car is totaled and looks like a promo for Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Believe it or not: I do not have a SCRATCH on me. God was holding me in His hand and it was truly a miracle that I am home and alive and completely okay tonight. This whole weekend I’ve been counting my blessings and thinking about how different things could be for me right now. I could be in a hospital somewhere tonight or going to a rehab to learn how to walk again. But i’m not. My body is fine and I am fine. I am so lucky. I feel silly for letting myself be so obsessed with my weight all the time. I have a body that WORKS and there are so many out there less fortunate than I. I can walk and run and dance and think and do so many things that some people will never get the chance to try. So what if I’m not a size 2??? There are probably a lot of people who would trade and be a little heavier if it meant they could use their legs or something. Is this making sense?? I guess what I’m trying to say is being overweight is not the end of the world. It’s not. It’s in my hands and it’s controllable. My body is beautiful and it works and for that I am so lucky!!! Hope everyone had a safer weekend than me!!! xo

i do not know HOW to get back on track. i’m so mad at myself; i can’t make good food choices/exercise for more than a couple days at a time. my clothes don’t fit. i cannot muster the motivation to go to the gym, ever. i try to do well during the day and then at night i just eat tonssss of crap. i’m thinking about doing a cleanse or something for a few days and then just starting fresh next week. ugh. i don’t know how to stop eating when i’m disappointed or sad. helllllp

i’ve been avoiding the scale after the holidays and a very enjoyable new years in new york… but i weighed in tonight and i’m down 5 lbs! i couldn’t even believe it. i stepped off and back on again to double check! i haven’t been able to motivate myself to get to the gym, but these few lost pounds are exactly the motivation i needed! if i start working out more i can head towards the 170’s and maybe start fitting in my jeans again!! (my friends are starting to comment on how i only wear leggings these days…. grrrreat). i spoke to my therapist today and we established some goals and habits to practice in the new year. i can’t wait to be in the 160’s range again. don’t you hate when you look back at photos when you “thought” you were fat!? that was my normal weight and a healthy one for my height of 5′10”. i just wish i appreciated it then! but no worries, i’ll be back there in no time…. and then some! happy new year to all!!

ok… went a bit overboard today. but that’s it! i ate enough of everything i like and i am dunzo. december 26, 2008 is the beginning of a new lifestyle. i am so happy with the support i’ve found here. i will be able to get this weight off and get back to feeling good about me. feeling kinda gross at the moment, but tomorrow morning is a fresh start. can’t wait! merry christmas to all

so i just got back from a dinner party. did NOT make the best choices. i started off strong, took small portions and ate lots of vegetables, avoided the bread. but then the desserts came out. i think i ate more gingerbread than there is in the entire north pole. then on the drive home i was just thinking to myself what i would binge on when i got there. i didn’t even try to talk myself out of it or try and bypass the kitchen. just went straight there and ate anything and everything. to be honest i’m not even that guilty about it. i found out some information about the ex (who i’m not even kind of over) today… he’s home for the holidays with his NEW girlfriend (whom he began dating a week after i broke up with him… after we dated for two and a half years). i know i shouldn’t be sad and i know i shouldn’t still be obsessed with him (because he was a ‘insert expletive here’), but i’m just still completely hung up on that chapter of my life. eating takes the sadness away for a few minutes. granted, i then endure the self-loathing when it sets in… but i mean, i guess it’s kind of progress to at least know WHY i’m compulsively over-eating… i’m sad and i don’t want to face that sadness, so i try to “fill” myself with food. if i could only make some progress in overcoming the binges. oh well, binging in my kitchen at night isn’t anything new… so no point in crying over it. tomorrow is another day. just gotta get through the next couple days!!!!

     I’ve only been a site member for like a day, but I’m already overwhelmed by how supportive and kind everyone is. It makes me feel really good that so many people are willing to take a few minutes to write something inspirational to complete strangers.
I hung up a bunch of pictures from magazines on my wall last night. I hope looking at all the thin, beautiful people will keep me on track to getting there myself.
Christmas is only two days away and I’m having anxiety about getting through that day. I totally binged on Thanksgiving and hated myself for it. My therapist tells me to just have a little of everything I want, but I actually think it might be easier to just bypass the bad stuff all together (or at least try to). When I take a small serving of a dessert or some other “guilty food,” I oftentimes can’t/don’t even enjoy it because I’m just thinking about how much more of it I can eat. If I can get through Christmas successfully, then in just a week I’ll be struggling again for New Years. My best friend lives in NY and I’m going to stay with her a few days. She’s from a big Italian family and whenever I stay with her it’s just like food is all around me all the time. If I’m still on here by January 2 and not absolutely loathing myself– it’ll be a miracle! Stay tuned I guess
My therapist gave me a book which has been helping me a lot.. It’s called “Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating,” by Geneen Roth. I haven’t gotten that far in it yet (most of my time reading has been devoted to the Twilight series, embarrassingly enough hehe). But so far, the book has me practicing not eating til I’m hungry. It’s been a real wake-up call for me. It definitely takes will power, but if I wait in the day and don’t eat until my stomach is growling– I realize I would have already eaten twice prior to that for no reason at all. Does that make sense? I guess I just eat when I’m bored. Or sad. Or happy. Or tired. Or angry. Anyway. I’d recommend the book!
Ok well that’s all for now. I’m going to try to get to the gym and start slash finish my Christmas shopping! hehe.. Well thanks to everyone who’s welcomed me, so far! Happy Holidays!!!

I’m 20 years old and I’ve been distracted by my weight for my entire life. It wasn’t until this year though, that I felt I lost all control. I went through a really difficult breakup this summer (in August), and then this entire fall semester I’ve watched myself inflate. I just kept eating to not feel sad. Now it’s the holidays and I don’t fit into my clothes. To get back to my normal weight, I need to lose about 30 pounds. However, I’d feel great about myself if I could keep going for another 15 or so. I’m 5′10”, and so I guess I can kind of hide it when I gain some weight, just because I’m quite tall. But there’s no hiding it when you only fit into leggings. I’ve tried it all– the diets, the pills, the starvation… the list goes on. I see a therapist also, but it’s not really changing anything. I used to do some modeling, and I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself when a company contacted me for a meeting recently and I had to say no. I didn’t want them to see that I wasn’t the girl in my portfolio photos anymore. I’m usually such a confident, outgoing person, but with all this weight on I just hate myself.